VAGINA EATING, AMBIEN, AND RENNY WILSON – SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK ‘N’ ROLL

The latest. Read the entire thing at VICE.com.

SEX – FIVE SINGS YOU SHOULD TRY VAGINA

You understand what Lady Gaga meant in “Poker Face” – Unless you’re a Mennonite, you’ve heard by now that “Poker Face” is about Gaga trying to keep a straight face while fantasizing about a woman to get off during sex with a man. Ever find yourself being pounded by a penis and imagining he’s a hot tattooed domme wearing a strap-on instead? Perhaps you should stop imagining and change your OkCupid sexual preference.

DRUGS – AMBIEN

A few weeks ago I flew back from Australia and the jet-lag brought my insomnia back in a major Tyler Durden way. After about a week of no sleep I found myself spending most of my time either crying or laughing hysterically for no reason, unable to write, and wandering the city with random pieces of bacon in my purse. After trying every other method I could think of with no success, I finally talked to my doctor about Ambien.

ROCK ‘N’ ROLL – RENNY WILSON

My Renny sexual fantasy involves a thrift store disco ball turning very slowly, bouncing light off of two frosty mugs of beer. He’ll then strut across the room, locking eye contact, and hand me my glass. He’ll put the vinyl copy of Sugarglider on, and whisper in my ear that I’m the first girl to hear it. Despite his somewhat dorky looks, I have a feeling Renny could get a girl wetter than Prince can.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s