Month: November 2014

VICE – Someone Finally Made A Condom for Your Giant Penis

#bigdickproblems journalism for Vice – read it here

“Nobody feels sympathy for a guy who complains about his big dick, but possessing a monster cock comes with its share of problems. A long (and I mean looooooong) penis can plop into a toilet when you sit down to poop; an extremely thick cock might have trouble fitting in certain holes. Most critically, many well-endowed men struggle to find condoms that fit them.

Like many sexual health issues, this problem is made more complicated by the government. Although American penises come in all shapes and sizes, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) only allows condom companies to offer condoms with a minimum length of 6.29 inches and a maximum width of 2.13 inches, making manufacturing or purchasing latex condoms for oddly-shaped protrusions illegal in the US. In recent years, controversies have erupted surrounding condoms—many sex-positive writers have criticized Measure B, a law implemented in 2012 that requires performers to use condoms in pornography filmed in Los Angeles county—but an FDA representative told me the agency hasn’t updated its condom rules since 1998.”

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Stab at Narrative – “A Satanic Love Story” for Somesuch Stories

Somesuch Stories is a lovely British publication hosted by a production company that publishes a new story each Sunday. Taking a stab at the narrative I contributed “A Satanic Love Story.” 

“She had seen YouTube videos of Marilyn Manson defending his friendship with the occultist Anton LaVey. She was a fan of Manson, but would only admit publicly that she listened to his later albums. She had a curious nature that would make her an excellent journalist and annoyance to boyfriends, and so she soon found herself falling into Wiki-holes, learning about satanism. While there would always be individual trolls and HBO series that kept the public assuming it involved ritual child sacrifice or incestuous orgies, she learned that the predominant satanic organisations were intrinsically bastions of secular humanism who embraced individualism and cried out for man to return to his true nature. Hedonistic, perhaps. Harmful, no – although she was able to see why Christians would fear them, especially Catholics, whose tradition was name-checked during black mass. And whilst it would be a reenactment for purely educational purposes, she decided to keep quiet about her involvement. She was waiting to hear on a new writing gig and felt satanism might repel an employer – as if they hadn’t already read her most recent column defining various types of group sex.”