Sophie Saint Thomas writes daily for an array of online and print publications. Below are some of her favorite works, but for a more detailed update on her writing, follow her on Twitter @TheBowieCat. Below are snippets from select articles with links to the original.
“Spending ‘Danksgiving’ at a Sex Club” originally published in Playboy in November of 2018
Photograph courtesy of NSFW/Rodrigo Lizarraga
With the passage of FOSTA-SESTA—vague legislation disguised as an anti-sex-trafficking bill that in reality further criminalizes fringe sexualities and sex workers—coupled with the encouraging yet still fragile spread in cannabis legalization laws, it’s a bold time to run a sex and cannabis society. Yet under the Trump administration, times so dark we may not realize the shadow we’re living under until it’s (hopefully) passed, communities for the queer, the stoned artist, the kinky, the pro-dommes, are more needed than ever. From Studio 54 to the punks of St. Marks Street, rebellion runs through the veins of New York City, and what keeps many of us here despite the failing MTA and impossible rent. Only havens of proud hedonists and those strong enough to form their own families could come together to create an event such as Danksgiving.
“Cocktails to Mocktails: How Cannabis Beverages Changed My Relationship with Alcohol” originally published in Merry Jane in October of 2018
Image courtesy of Papa & Barkley/Sunrise Mountain Farms
When I stopped consuming alcohol, I noticed that my overall quality of life improved greatly, so I stuck with it. In addition to treating my PTSD, I found that using cannabis in social situations made it much easier not to drink. It’s now been over five years since I’ve quit drinking. For the first two years or so, before my introduction to cannabis, I was sober by 12-Step standards, meaning the only substances I took were prescribed by a doctor, so cannabis was off limits. To be honest with you, I loathed AA. I do not enjoy group settings. I have never wanted to be part of a team. I do not want to use a book rooted in Christianity written by a man in 1939 as my roadmap to recovery. I do not want to check in with a sponsor before I go to a friend’s house where wine will be present. I do not want to raise my hand and introduce myself as an alcoholic every week in a church basement. I want to talk about my history of problematic drinking with a therapist within the privacy of her office. I want to read recovery memoirs written by women. I want to call myself a witch and practice self-care through ritual. I want to get stoned before public speaking events to ease my social anxiety and not get dragged for it. I want to sit on pillows on the floor of a beautiful room in a Buddhist recovery support group. When I was in AA, I just wanted to rebel and drink again. When I found my own path, I just wanted to keep on going and get healthier and healthier.
“Take A Peek Inside This Elite Members-Only New York City Sex Club” originally published in Forbes in August of 2018
Photograph courtesy of Rodrigo Lizarrago for NSFW.
On a recent Friday in New York City, curious couples and desirable singles gathered in a downtown club, but not for your average night out. They were there for an event hosted by the private sex club, NSFW, or the New Society for Wellness, which is known for its private play (read: sex) parties. Sex clubs such as NSFW are typically members’ only societies that throw private events, including sex parties, where members mingle and more in a private residence. The space is usually a high-end clubhouse or penthouse, with many bedrooms, condoms and lubes present, and perhaps even a kink dungeon. There is usually a bar, perhaps a cannabis sponsor, and sexy icebreaker games to get the night going. No photography is allowed and members’ privacy is of the utmost importance.
“An Ode to Our Brazilian Sea Captain” originally published in Off Assignment in July of 2018
Photo by Sophie Saint Thomas
You shattered my heart, and I found myself spinning, wondering if the magic and the love was just a dream, an illusion, and escape from reality. I hated you. I hated the day with the boat captain and the rock still standing with our names on it because I couldn’t have it again. I wish I could twirl my fingers and fix the world like I seemingly fixed the credit card machine. I can’t, but I can choose to continue to love you, even when I have no idea where you are, and think fondly of the cock-blocking sea captain, and imagine what all those snakes are up to on their own private island. All the reasons you gave me are sensible ones. But I keep thinking of those rebellious snakes, who in a world in which humans rule everything, managed to take over their own untouchable island, and I wonder why couldn’t we.
“People Love Sex During Hurricanes, And It’s Creating a Public Health Crisis” originally published in Playboy in July 2018
Photograph of a home in St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands, taken by Sophie Saint Thomas in November of 2017, two months after the storms hit.
It’s local knowledge that many of the “hurricane babies” conceived in the weeks and months following the storm are fathered by linemen (people there to fix the electrical lines), National Guard members, and insurance adjusters who stay on the island temporarily for work—and perhaps to have some fun while they’re there. “Things are so transient. Imagine how many babies are left here. There are predators that do that. That deliberately say, ‘Well, hey, I’m on vacation,’” Araujo says. “We gave the linemen condoms, all the FEMA workers, anybody who looked frisky. They left a lot of babies.” He elaborates on offering condoms to an insurance adjuster from England, who is married, with a two-year-old and a wife back home. “He is having the time of his life. He’s making money. He’s out drinking at the bars at night. He’s meeting ‘crazy women’ by his terminology. And he’s having unprotected sex with these women, plural. I’m like, ‘Dude, I’m not going to judge you on your activity as far as what that has to do with your marriage, but at the very least, you could give them the respect of putting a condom on?’”
“How The Satisfyer Pro 2 Vibrator Made Me Realize I’m Actually a Squirter” originally published in Allure in June of 2018
Art courtesy of Satisfyer and Allure
While the fluid released during squirting is believed to come from the Skene’s glands, located on the anterior wall of the vagina, unfortunately, like most things related to female sexuality, there’s just not enough scientific research on the topic. Ever since that night in the bathtub, intense clitoral stimulation, either with a Satisfyer, or a Hitachi Magic Wand, or really good oral sex, makes me squirt. But some of my girlfriends squirt from deep G-spot stimulation. Research now shows that the clitoris extends inside the body, with wings up and around the labia, suggesting that all orgasms, even internal ones, are clitoral orgasms. So I can’t promise that if you have a clitoris, the Satisfyer will make you squirt, but I can tell you that the pressure waves provide orgasms truly incomparable to traditional vibrators or even really good head. The Satisfyer 2 costs $50 and has spawned a whole set of other delightful toys that push sex tech (and orgasms) forward.
“Are You Radical Enough to Be a Relationship Anarchist?” originally published in GQ in May of 2018
Illustration courtesy of GQ/Alicia Tatone
The term “relationship anarchy” was probably coined by Andie Nordgren, a Swedish activist who wrote the relationship anarchy manifesto in 2012. Nordgren explains that “love is abundant, and every relationship is unique.” Nordgren suggests that love is not a finite resource and asks you to “customize your commitments” and design your own relationship responsibilities based on desire rather than societal pressure. It sounds like it takes incredible trust, maturity, and a ton of work. But, then again, so do all successful relationships. I’m in a monogamous relationship, but I believe that we all have a lot to learn from the tenets of polyamory, from how polyamorists navigate jealousy to how they examine what binds you and your primary partner together beyond than sexual exclusivity (i.e. true love). And even if the name “relationship anarchist” makes your eyes to roll back into their sockets when you come across one on Tinder, you might be more of relationship anarchist than you think.
“The Ultimate Guide to Weed, According to Your Zodiac Sign” originally published in Broadly in April of 2018
Illustration courtesy of Broadly/Lili Emtiaz
All zodiac signs love getting stoned, but how should you blaze depending on yours? Click the link above to find out!
“PrEP Isn’t Just for Men Who Have Sex With Men—Should You Be on It?” originally published in Self in January of 2018
Image courtesy of Self/The Noun Project
And while the risk of HIV is highest among men who have sex with men, that doesn’t mean that other individuals (particularly those with other risk factors) can’t benefit from PrEP. That’s why Dr. Lake wishes more sex workers, intravenous drug users, and sexually active trans women knew about and had better access to PrEP, since their lifestyles put them at higher than average risk. So does being a cisgender woman or gender nonconforming person who’s had unprotected vaginal or anal sex with two or more partners in the last year, or who has a partner who has HIV or HIV risk factors.
“Can Stoned People Consent to Sex?” originally published in VICE in July of 2017
Some officials think imbibing any amount of mind-altering substance takes away your ability to consent. However, legal precedent and modern dating culture suggest that you can consent to sex, at least in some cases, after consuming drugs or alcohol. For example, many couples enjoy wine or cannabis together without the night disintegrating into sexual assault. According to Carrie Goldberg, Esq, founder of C.A. Goldberg, a New York City–based law firm that fights for survivors of sexual harassment and assault, “The issue is not so much what the substance is, but whether the quantity or impact is such that it can make a person mentally incapacitated or physically helpless.”
“Angel Olsen On Being Her Own ‘Woman’ On Her New Album” originally published in the September 2016 issue of Nylon
Photo courtesy of Nylon/Michael Beckert
Angel Olsen has the power. Of course, she’s always had it, but with the release of My Woman, she doesn’t really care about how you perceive that power. “People think they know you entirely based on the work that you project, famous or not famous,” says Olsen over lemonades in a Brooklyn tea shop. “But you still have to be a person, and wake up and go through human struggles while everybody is thinking of you as not a human who goes through those things. You’re living the life of the self that you project, in the life of your actual self.”